By: Menno Van Menno, Rosenhof, MB
We’ve had a long-standing tradition in this town of splitting the church whenever anyone disagrees on an issue. Now, of course, we are reasonable people. We don’t split over trivial matters, but only issues of great importance, issues that are absolutely integral to the faith such as: the use of drums in church, whether soldiers should be excommunicated, the precise age of the Earth, whether women should sit on the left or right side of the sanctuary, whether to dunk or pour, pre-trib or post-trib, and whether I can sit within proximity of people whose views on human sexuality differ from my own.
All of these issues are of vital importance to my belief that Jesus is the Son of God and died to save my soul. I’m sure you can see the direct connection. So you’ll understand why this current church split is absolutely necessary.
I think we should stop viewing church splits as a negative thing and instead celebrate them as part of the great mosaic of the Christian church. I mean, where do you think all these churches in Rosenhof came from in the first place? As soon as Mr. Peters or Mr. Dueck or Mr. Loewen decided that the church board had just “gone too far” and they could no longer tolerate these differences in scriptural interpretation, they just up and took their families to start their own churches. I think this is fabulous!
After all, the great thing about a church split is that you can surround yourself with people who think exactly like you do. Rather than engaging in dialogue with a diverse group of people, you can just flee from ideas that in any way conflict with your own. Spending time exclusively with people who see the world exactly like you do is an essential foundation of any prospering church. How could I possibly sit within three or four rows of someone who disagrees with me about the exact time and location of the coming tribulation or about which sins are the worst ones? It’s simply intolerable.
So, in light of this, I suggest that we encourage more church splits. Instead of seeing them as something to avoid, we should view them as something to pursue. I mean, if you think about it, no two Christians agree on absolutely everything, so if my plan is fully implemented, with 2.2 billion Christians in the world, within a few years there should also be 2.2 billion individual and unique churches. Wouldn’t that be a blessing?
I’m certain it’s what Jesus would have wanted.
I think so anyway.
Yeah, let’s just go with that. I’m sure it’s right.