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Month: January 2022

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Women Concerned Daughter Might Be In Some Sort of Cult

January 22, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After seeing a number of “concerning social media postings” in the past few days, Mrs. Dierdre Janzen, 71, of Fresno has consulted with the elder board and determined that her daughter Audrey is […]

Unger Suspicion

Putin and Biden to Form New Metal Band ‘Minor Incursion’

January 21, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA After high level talks this weekend, Russian President Vladimir Putin has decided to team up with his American counterpart Joe Biden in a “new heavy metal side project called Minor Incursion.” “We’ve only […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler Supermarket Starts Selling Liquor to Convince Mennonites to Cover Their Faces

January 20, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Earlier this week Winkler’s favourite grocery store Seea Goot Mart added vodka and rum to store shelves in an effort to convince locals to cover their faces like they’re supposed to. “I guess […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Guesses Wordle in First Try

January 19, 2022 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Andrea Broesky, 59, of Leamington is known as an “early adopter” in Mennonite circles. She was the first one in Leamington to get a television (1985), VCR (1998), cell phone (2014), and now […]

Unger Games

Djokovic Teams Up With Oma Krahn for Mixed Doubles Tournament

January 18, 2022 Andrew

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA Just days after being booted out of Australia, deported tennis superstar Novak Djokovic has already selected a new partner for an upcoming mixed doubles tournament. “I met Oma Krahn in Hofnungschanzenhimmelsfeld, Manitoba while […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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