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Month: June 2021

The Daily Bonnet

Wooden Crokinole Pieces Now Trading at $69.99 Per Knipser

June 19, 2021 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK With the skyrocketing lumber prices, wooden knipsers are now trading at upwards of $70 a piece. “Well, Helen, would you look at that!” said Henry Warkentin, 64, of Swift Current. “We’ve got […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Child Forced to Miss ‘Wonderful World of Disney’ to Attend Evening Service

June 18, 2021 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Collin Berg, 7, of Mitchell, Manitoba had to miss The Wonderful World of Disney yet again this weekend in order to attend the EMBC faspa and evening service. “Now I’ll never know what happens […]

The Daily Bonnet

Snowbirds So Desperate to Get Out of Canada They’re Perfectly Willing to Suffer Through a Scorching Arizona Summer

June 17, 2021 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ The Rempels of Winkler have not been able to leave the country in a year and a half, but now that travel may be a possibility for fully vaccinated individuals, they’re really looking […]

Unger Suspicion

Outrage in Winnipeg as Bell MTS Place Becomes Latest Victim of “Cancel Culture”

June 16, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Workers changed all the signs at Winnipeg’s downtown hockey arena last night to Canada Life Place as the Bell MTS sponsorship expired. “I was worried about the angry mobs,” said Darren Giesbrecht, who […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom for Lasting All 20 Seasons Without Watching the Kardashians

June 15, 2021 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Mr. Dueck, 37 of Seminole, Texas is being granted the Presidential Medal of Freedom this week for becoming the sole American survivor of the Kardashian years. “He is a beacon of hope in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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