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Month: November 2020

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Residents to Get Bolt Cutters in their Stockings this Christmas

November 18, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After the heroic display by Steinbach’s now infamous counter-protestor, bolt cutters have been flying off the shelves at local stores offering curbside pickup. “I was thinking of getting my Nettie a pair of […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Excited About New Pfizer Product

November 16, 2020 Andrew

TABER, AB Word of a new 90% effective Pfizer product has caused quite the stir in Mennonite communities across North America today. “Wow, this’ll really do wonders on our meddachschlop life,” said Mrs. Kliewer. “Lord knows, […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Fearless” Invading Army Chased Out of Steinbach By a Gardening Implement

November 15, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB It was a battle for the ages … or as close as it gets in a town full of pacifists, anyway. A “brave and mighty” army of “fearless” warriors from Winnipeg (and a […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Complete List of Steinbachers at the Anti-Mask Rally Today

November 14, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A well-publicized anti-mask rally took place in Steinbach today. The rally featured speakers from across Manitoba, including two pastors, one chiropractor, a reeve, and a partridge in a pear tree. The rally was […]

Unger Conviction

Moses Walks Back the Ten Commandments

November 12, 2020 Andrew

MT. SINAI After forty long days up on the mountain, Moses came down this week and announced a brand new set of unchangeable commandments. Or, so he thought. Moments after chiseling the commandments in stone, […]

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