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Month: July 2019

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Paints His Massey Ferguson Green and Yellow

July 25, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local farmer and bachelor Peter Miller, 27, gave his bright red Massey Ferguson a quick green and yellow paint job this past weekend in order to seduce one of the Smucker sisters, who […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Birthers’ Demand Baptism Certificate from Daily Bonnet Founder

July 24, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Skeptical of his Mennonite credentials, a half dozen conspiracy nuts from just outside Steinbach are demanding to see the baptism certificate of Daily Bonnet author Andrew Unger. “We want to see his long-form […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Sells ‘Essential Mennonite Oils’

July 23, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, SK Local woman Mrs. Hiebert has launched a new alternative medicine program aimed at restoring Mennonites to health and vitality “through a specially designed program of concentrated hydrophobic essential Mennonite oils.” “Through extensive scientific […]

The Daily Bonnet

City of Abbotsford to be Renamed “Basically Vancouver”

July 22, 2019 Andrew

BASICALLY VANCOUVER, BC In a radical rebranding effort meant to accurately reflect the perceptions of outsiders, the city of Abbotsford, BC, recently passed a motion to rename the community Basically Vancouver. “We also considered More-or-Less […]

Unger Suspicion

Long Lost C.S. Lewis Book Discovered: The Loewen, the Witch and the Wardrobe

July 21, 2019 Andrew

OXFORD, UK The publishing world has been in a feeding frenzy as of late, after a long lost C.S. Lewis manuscript was discovered in an attic in Oxford. The manuscript, in Lewis’ own hand, is […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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