The Unger Review
  • Sections
    • The Daily Bonnet
    • Headline Contest
    • Unger Conviction
    • Unger Games
    • Unger the Influence
    • Unger Suspicion
    • Unger & Thirst
  • Mennotoba
  • The Daily Bonnet
  • The Best of the Bonnet
  • About The Unger Review
  • Andrew Unger

Month: April 2019

Unger & Thirst

New Bothwell Resident Arrested for Putting Processed Cheese on His Burger

April 30, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Local man Mr. P_________________, has been arrested and arraigned on charges of failing to use Bothwell cheese at a BBQ this week. “Not only was he not using the best cheese in […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite College Student Faints with Excitement at Hauerwas Lecture

April 29, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dating Mennonite Couple Solidify Relationship By Sharing Co-op Number

April 28, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Corny Wall of Winkler shared with Co-op number with his girlfriend Aganetha this week, a gesture that has sent rumours through the community. “I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these Sunday’s after […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

Unger Suspicion

Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store

April 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The popularity of tidying guru Marie Kondo has meant a huge surge in donations to thrift stores across Mennonite country. “Do these margarine containers spark joy?” wondered Mrs. Friesen. “Meh, not really. To […]

Posts pagination

1 2 … 7 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

More from the unger review

  • Mennonite Man Spends Entire Summer Sitting in Lawn Chair on Front Lawn Wearing Nothing but Gitch
    July 14, 2018
  • Knels and Annie Krahn Make Their Oscar Picks
    February 26, 2017
  • Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’
    September 7, 2016
  • Upcoming Hurricanes To Be Given Mennonite Names
    September 6, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Eats Over the Sink to Avoid Doing Dishes
    February 24, 2019

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

HOME OF

Copyright © 2025 The Unger Review - All Rights Reserved