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Month: March 2019

Unger Suspicion

Granola Shortage Creates Panic in Wolseley

March 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A massive granola shortage this spring has residents of the Winnipeg neighbourhood of Wolseley in quite the panic. Desperate residents met at an area United church to discuss the shortage. “Went to the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Falls Way Behind on Her Devotions

March 20, 2019 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mrs. Kehler of North Kildonan is being punished and forced to clean up after the next five faspas when it was discovered that she had not been keeping up with her devotions. […]

The Daily Bonnet

How to Sneak Snacks into the Movie Theatre: A Guide for Cheap Mennonites

March 19, 2019 Andrew

Whether it’s a rock concert, sporting event, or the latest blockbuster movie, oba, those snacks can be expensive! I mean who is really paying $15 for a Bud Light at a Jets game or $25 […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Creates ’50 Shades of Grey’-Inspired Pleasure Room

March 18, 2019 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON This past winter, Mr. Schneider of Waterloo, Ontario has been working day and night on his “pleasure room,” an area of the church basement that he hopes will bring hours of satisfaction to […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Dump Gallons of Yerba Tea into Chicago River

March 17, 2019 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL A river in downtown Chicago turned bright green this morning after thousands of Mennonites dumped all their leftover yerba mate into the water. “I can’t figure it out. We woke up and the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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