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Month: March 2019

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Dump Gallons of Yerba Tea into Chicago River

March 17, 2019 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL A river in downtown Chicago turned bright green this morning after thousands of Mennonites dumped all their leftover yerba mate into the water. “I can’t figure it out. We woke up and the […]

Quizzes

The Ultimate Pembina Valley Mennonite Quiz!

March 16, 2019 Andrew

Well, so, oba, how much do you know abouts da Mannanates of da former West Reserve once? We’ll see now, won’t we yet? Okay, dan! [os-widget path=”/dailybonnet/the-ultimate-pembina-valley-quiz”]

Unger Conviction

Wealthy Mennonites Bribe Their Way Into All the Best Sunday Schools

March 15, 2019 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The Yoder family of Goshen is just one of dozens of Mennonite families who found themselves in the midst of the largest Sunday school admissions scandal in Mennonite church history. From 2015-2018, the […]

Unger Suspicion

Facebook Crashes; Millions of People Actually Get Shit Done

March 13, 2019 Andrew

MENLO PARK, CA There was a surge in productivity across the globe today as Facebook and Instagram experienced unprecedented down time. “I can’t believe all the shit I got done today,” said local credit union […]

The Daily Bonnet

Ten Extremely Menno Texts My Wife Has Sent Me (This is real!)

March 12, 2019 Andrew

Oba, so sometimes when you live in Steinbach you don’t even realized how Menno your life is. It all just seems normal until you stop and take a closer look. Take, for example, these texts […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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