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Month: September 2018

Unger Suspicion

Like and Share if You Think People Should Stop Indicating their Agreement by Liking and Sharing

September 5, 2018 Andrew

Friends, Mennonites, countrymen, lend me your ears! For too long we’ve been told that the entirety of our self-expression is tied to our willingness to like and/or share stupid memes on Facebook. We are told […]

Unger Conviction

Bible School Offering Money Back Guarantee if Not Engaged By the End of First Semester

September 4, 2018 Andrew

FOUR MOUNTAINS, AB In an effort to boost enrolment, starting this fall, the Bible School of Southern Alberta is offering students a 100% money-back guarantee if they’re not engaged by the end of the first […]

The Daily Bonnet

Cairn to Honour Steinbach’s Founder St. Einbach

September 3, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A local history committee has decided it was about time there was some acknowledgement of Steinbach’s patron saint and founder St. Einbach. A large cairn depicting St. Einbach, riding a traditional Mennonite chariot, […]

Unger Suspicion

Ken Ham and Kent Hovind to Guest Star in Series Finale of ‘The Big Bang Theory’

September 2, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Stars of the literal 6-day creationist world will square off against a bunch of fictional physicists in the series finale of hit sitcom ‘The Big Bang Theory’ later this year. “We’re so excited […]

Unger Conviction

Report: Shallow Repetitive Worship Songs More Pleasing to the Lord than Hymns

September 2, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA A report out of the University of Southern Lancaster suggests that really shallow, repetitive, self-indulgent ‘Praise and Worship’ songs are a full 20% more pleasing to the Lord than the boring old hymns. “I’m pretty […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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