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Month: October 2017

Unger Conviction

Four-Part Harmony Slashed to Three After Recent Budget Cuts

October 25, 2017 Andrew

BUHLER, KS In response to recent budgetary pressures, the elder board at West Buhler Mennonite Church has decided to eliminate the tenor part from all songs sung on Sundays. “Times are tough. We had to […]

Unger Suspicion

Abe Claims Landslide Victory in Japanese Election

October 24, 2017 Andrew

TOKYO, JAPAN Abe from Winkler was shocked to discover he had somehow been elected Prime Minister of Japan. “The support of the Japanese people is overwhelming,” said Abe from Winkler, with a tear in his […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rhoda Janzen’s Little Black Dress Fetches $5 Million on eBay

October 24, 2017 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Best-selling Mennonite writer and scholar Rhoda Janzen’s little black dress shattered online auction records this week, eventually selling for just over $5 million. Not only did the auction break records for Mennonite-worn dresses, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Retired ‘Main Street Cruiser’ to Become ‘Sunday Driver’

October 23, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Menno Fast, 61, is officially retiring from driving up and down Winkler Main Street in his ’96 Honda Civic on Friday nights to, instead, drive really slow in an ’03 Buick […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Dies After Serving on One Too Many Church Committees

October 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN Local woman Mrs. Dorothy Shenk, 71, passed away this week after being asked to serve on yet another church committee. Before her untimely death by committee, Mrs. Shenk was happily serving on the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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