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Month: September 2017

Unger & Thirst

A Calorie Guide to Mennonite Cooking

September 16, 2017 Andrew

In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]

Unger Suspicion

Hutterite Colony Selected as New Amazon Headquarters

September 15, 2017 Andrew

RIDGE STREAM COLONY, AB After months of meticulous research, Amazon has made it’s decision. The online shopping giant announced today that their new headquarters will be set up on a small Hutterite colony in southern […]

Quizzes

Only 1 in 100 Mennonites Can Solve This Math Problem. Can You?

September 14, 2017 Andrew

Oba, when I was still in my training overalls Taunte Helen tried to teach me the maths, but I yust couldn’t figure it out yet. Even when the smartest boy in school, Obrom ‘Fuela‘ Kornelson, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Town Bans Wearing Socks with Sandals

September 13, 2017 Andrew

ST. JACOBS, ON Disregarding centuries of Mennonite tradition, the small Anabaptist town of St. Jacobs, Ontario just passed a law banning the wearing of socks with sandals. The new legislation sent shockwaves across the Mennonite […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Claims to be Illegitimate Son of Prince Charles, Rightful Heir to the Throne

September 12, 2017 Andrew

LONDON, UK In an historic trial that could change the landscape of the British monarchy, the Supreme Court of England is set to rule this week on whether a 46-year-old Mennonite farmer from rural Manitoba […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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