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Month: September 2016

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Golfer Spends Three Hours Looking for Lost Ball

September 22, 2016 Andrew

GIROUX, MB Area man Arnold D. Penner created a three hour delay looking for a lost ball during his afternoon golf match this past Tuesday. Penner, who is an avid golf ball finder, was not […]

Unger & Thirst

Chef Gordon Ramsay Has Absolutely No Criticism for Mennonite Girls

September 21, 2016 Andrew

LONDON, UK Surly British chef and television host Gordon Ramsay was briefly tongued-tied on Friday, after being stunned by the kitchen chops of Mennonite cookbook author Lovella Schellenberg and her team who appeared on Ramsay’s television […]

Unger Suspicion

World Panics as Every Single Person’s Internet Browsing History is Exposed on Wikileaks

September 20, 2016 Andrew

REYKJAVIK, ICELAND People around the globe are in crisis today as somebody made public the Internet browsing history of every person on Earth. With a simple search, users can now look up a convenient list […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Accidentally Performs First Ever Infant Baptism

September 20, 2016 Andrew

NEWTON, KS The first infant baptism in the history of the Mennonite church was performed last Sunday in Newton, Kansas, as a local pastor used a little too much water in his pouring of 24-year-old expectant […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonalds Adds ‘Mennonite Tomato Soup’ Made From Ketchup Packets to Menu

September 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Inspired by patrons in Winkler, Steinbach and other predominantly Mennonite communities that McDonalds serves, the international fast food chain is testing out a new menu item: tomato soup made from ketchup packets and water […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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