GOESSEL, KS
Rural Kansas’s most popular oil and vinegar tasting room was accidentally seized this weekend as the Trump administration tries to regain control over the hemisphere’s most precious commodity.
“We’ve got their oil and we’re going to sell it,” said Trump. “Their vinegar, too.”
Lois Klassen, proprietor at Goessel Oil and Vinegar Emporium has not yet been found is and is rumoured to be hiding out in the youth room in the basement of North Goessel Mennonite Church.
“She can run, she can hide, but she won’t last long now that we control all her truffle oil,” said Trump. “I just can’t wait to get that stuff up here to Washington and dip some of Melania’s nice warm focaccia in it.”
Trump says the US now controls more than 90% of the world’s supply of basil-flavoured olive oil and bourbon maple balsamic vinegar.
“Basil, rosemary, oregano–we have all the oil, so much oil,” said Trump. “With all this herb-infused olive oil, the Don Roe Doctrine will never fail.”
Mrs. Klassen plans to flee to southern Minnesota where she plans to open up a new store specializing in raisin buns.
