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oil

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Soars to $100 a Barrel

March 10, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When the Leamington Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $106.06 a barrel, smashing the previous record. As a result of soaring schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

US Troops Accidentally Seize One of Those Oil and Vinegar Tasting Rooms

January 5, 2026 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Rural Kansas’s most popular oil and vinegar tasting room was accidentally seized this weekend as the Trump administration tries to regain control over the hemisphere’s most precious commodity. “We’ve got their oil and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Worried Trump May Try to Capture Her Essential Oils

January 4, 2026 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area woman Alexis Siemens, 33, has gone into hiding this weekend after she heard Trump was trying to take control of the nation’s essential oil supply. “No more Bible studies/essential oil sales parties […]

Unger the Influence

American Navy to Blockade Saskatchewan Oil Tankers

December 28, 2025 Andrew

REGINA, SK Millions of Americans have signed a petition urging the White House to blockade and seize, if necessary, all oil tankers in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. “We need to immediately send in our […]

Unger the Influence

Danielle Smith Announces $334 Billion Plan to Drill for Essential Oils

November 13, 2023 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has just announced a new $334 billion investment in essential oil-drilling, contingent on Alberta getting out of the Canada Pension Plan. “We can handle your pension money. Just trust […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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