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winter

The Daily Bonnet

Bump of Packed Down Snow at the End of Mr. Penner’s Driveway Declared Manitoba’s Highest Peak

February 7, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A one foot tall mound of packed down snow on Mr. Penner’s driveway has been officially declared the tallest mountain in Manitoba. “Move over Baldy Mountain, my driveway is king now!” said a […]

Unger Games

Falling on Your Ass Only Known Way to Stop While Skating

February 7, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After centuries of skating, Canadians have mastered the art of maneuvering their bodies at high speeds on sheets of ice, but scientists are baffled by the fact that not a single one of […]

Unger & Thirst

Top Local Chefs to Stage Fancy Dinner on Frozen Blumenort Lagoon

January 19, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Manitoba’s most famous chefs will be setting aside the comforts of high-end Winnipeg restaurants this winter for a three week pop-up restaurant on the frozen Blumenort lagoon. ‘COOKED: Blumenort’ will feature all the […]

Unger Games

Canadian Men’s Hockey Team is Mostly Just Random Dudes from Your Church Floor Hockey League

January 12, 2018 Andrew

BRANDON, MB The Canadian Olympic Men’s hockey team was announced Thursday and it turns out most of the guys are just random dudes from your church floor hockey league. “With the NHL boycotting the Olympics […]

Unger Suspicion

British Columbian Freezes to Death Within Minutes of Arriving in Winnipeg

January 11, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. Mark Thiessen of Chilliwack froze to death after walking a hundred metres from the airport terminal to his rental car this weekend. Police found his frozen corpse, with his debit card in […]

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