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The Daily Bonnet

Peace Talks in Winkler-Morden Move Toward ‘Two-State Solution’

February 2, 2018 Andrew

OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

September 17, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer […]

Unger Suspicion

Gangs of Nudists Swarm Winkler

September 5, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Inspired by a recent high-profile nearly-nude shopping trip at the local 7-11, swarms of nudists have taken to the streets of Winkler to express their free-spirited ways. “For decades I thought Morden was […]

Unger & Thirst

Morden Mennonites in Shock as Their Beloved Chicken Chef Now Fully Licensed

September 3, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Mennonites in the Morden area were in shock this past week as their beloved local Chicken Chef announced it was now a fully licensed restaurant. “Oba! I’m not sure we can leave the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Manitoba to Honour City Founder ‘Fonzie’

June 10, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A 50-metre statue of Happy Days star Henry Winkler is set for construction right across the four-lane highway from Southland Mall in Winkler, Manitoba. “It was about darn time. As Mennonites, it’s very […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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