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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Mrs. Brubacher’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard

August 22, 2019 Andrew

HEIDELBERG, ON Mrs. Eby is feeling like she won the lottery this week after a particularly windy day blew all of Mrs. Brubacher’s clothes right into her yard. “This should keep the Ebys supplied all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Children Super Excited for the Return of Christmas

April 12, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After an unexpected blizzard this week, children across southern Manitoba woke up to a blanket of snow and began frantically filling out their Christmas wish lists. “Christmas! It’s Christmas,” exclaimed little Sally Doerksen, […]

Unger Suspicion

Manitoba Beaches to Open This Weekend After Temperatures Soar to -15!

February 13, 2019 Andrew

LAKE WINNIPEG, MB Manitobans have been sporting swimwear this entire week after temperatures reached daytime highs of -15 degrees celsius. The temperatures are so unseasonably warm that beaches will be opening early this year. “It’ll […]

The Daily Bonnet

Breaking News! Abbotsford Woman’s Daisies Are Already Blooming

February 7, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Local woman Mrs. Kehler has been rubbing it in to all her Manitoba friends this week after her daisies sprung up a few days ago. “Check it out, suckers! You’ve still got ten […]

The Daily Bonnet

Brilliant Man Disproves Global Warming By Pointing Out the Weather

February 6, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB All this winter, local man Dick Froese has been pointing to the severe frostbite on his ears as “definitive proof” that global warming is a “total crock.” “Look, I’m freezing my arse off […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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