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Unger & Thirst

US Troops Accidentally Seize One of Those Oil and Vinegar Tasting Rooms

January 5, 2026 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Rural Kansas’s most popular oil and vinegar tasting room was accidentally seized this weekend as the Trump administration tries to regain control over the hemisphere’s most precious commodity. “We’ve got their oil and […]

Unger the Influence

American Navy to Blockade Saskatchewan Oil Tankers

December 28, 2025 Andrew

REGINA, SK Millions of Americans have signed a petition urging the White House to blockade and seize, if necessary, all oil tankers in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. “We need to immediately send in our […]

Unger Conviction

Canada to Increase Peace and Pacifism Budget to 5% of GDP

August 31, 2025 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After pressure from the country’s Mennonite population, the government of Canada has decided to reallocate its entire military budget into efforts to promote peace and pacifism. “Our goal is to spend 5% of […]

Unger Suspicion

Innocent Civilian Super Grateful to Have House Bombed in Name of Freedom

June 23, 2025 Andrew

SOME CITY YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF, COUNTRY YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT An innocent civilian in some other country is super grateful to all the foreign powers who decided the best way to bring about his […]

Unger Suspicion

Christians to Stop Killing Other Christians for at Least a Couple Minutes on Easter Sunday

April 20, 2025 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA “Christian” man Vladimir Putin has graciously decided to stop killing fellow Christians for a full fifteen minutes this Easter Sunday. “This is a time when we pause to reflect on our Lord and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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