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transportation

The Daily Bonnet

Highway 3 from Morden Makes Sharp Left Turn to Avoid Winkler

September 12, 2020 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Instead of going straight into Winkler, Highway 3 makes an abrupt turn north just as it meets Highway 14. “Typical Mordeners, always scared of a little dose of church,” said Winkler resident Mr. […]

Unger Conviction

Hundreds of Mennonites Show Up at Church on Onewheels

August 15, 2020 Andrew

SOMMERFELD, MB Hundreds of Mennonites abandoned their pickup trucks and minivans and, instead, showed up at church this weekend on electric skateboards called Onewheels. “Oh, you know me,” said Mr. Plett, “I always keep up […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Inspire Tesla to Release ‘New Improved’ Cybertruck

November 28, 2019 Andrew

PALO ALTO, CA After a disastrous launch that saw two windows shattered and a design that was universally mocked as looking like a cast-off from the 1980s, Telsa owner Elon Musk consulted with a Mr. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Loops Parking Lot for an Hour to Avoid Paying for Parking

January 12, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Local man Jeremy Goerzen, 39, was picking up his friends at the airport who were visiting from Manitoba. Unfortunately the flight was delayed and so, instead, of paying ten dollars to park, Jeremy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Left Lane Between Steinbach and Blumenort to be Designated “Slow Minivan Lane”

December 9, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB After extensive traffic studies on Highway 12 north of Steinbach this summer, the Manitoba Road Authority has decided to designate the left lane to be used exclusively by families driving excruciatingly slow and/or […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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