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toronto

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Man Arrested for Pronouncing the Second T

August 21, 2021 Andrew

TORONNO, ON A 31-year-old lifelong Toronno resident, Gord Dueck, has been arrested on charges of mispronouncing the city’s name and will appear in court later this week. “We’re a pretty tolerant and inclusive city, but […]

Unger Suspicion

This Toronto-Area Shed Just Sold for $600,000 Over Asking Price

April 27, 2021 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON A 64 square foot shed in Mr. Penner’s backyard has just sold for $600,000 over the asking price. “So that’s a total of $600, 500,” said an excited Mr. Penner, who had been […]

Unger Suspicion

Aylmer Pastor Awarded Nation’s Highest Honour: A Stained Dirty Star on Canada’s Walk of Fame

March 28, 2021 Andrew

TORONTO, ON A controversial Aylmer-area “pastor” is set to receive Canada’s highest honour: a stained dirty star caked with gum somewhere on a urine-drenched Toronto sidewalk. “After seeing all the good he’s been doing for […]

Unger Games

SkyDome to Be Replaced with Massive Doug Ford Statue

December 1, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The 30-year-old Rogers Centre, aka SkyDome, in downtown Toronto is set for demolition this winter, but locals don’t have to wait long for the newest Toronto attraction as a massive 100-meter tall statue […]

Unger Suspicion

Etobicoke Eager to Become the New Steinbach

November 28, 2020 Andrew

ETOBICOKE, ON With barbecue joints defying health orders and hundreds of partiers caught not social distancing in a storage locker, the community of Etobicoke, Ontario is eagerly seeking to dethrone Steinbach, Manitoba as the “Covid […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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