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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Renounces Genealogy After Connection to Homer Simpson is Discovered

November 4, 2016 Andrew

MAIN CENTRE, SK Local Mennonite elder Leon Groening suddenly ceased his genealogy hobby on Friday after discovering a connection to cartoon imbecile Homer Simpson. “I was on Grandma’s Window – you know the Mennonite genealogy website […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Hires CNN to ‘Fact-Check’ Her Husband

October 30, 2016 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Tired of “his constant BS,” local Mennonite woman, Mary Penner, 75, of Anaheim, decided to submit her husband Pete to a CNN Reality Check. “I just wasn’t sure that what he was telling […]

Unger Conviction

100 Million Viewers Expected to Watch Tonight’s Televised Mennonite Elder Board Meeting

September 26, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]

Unger Suspicion

Fox News Sold to Group of Mennonite Investors; New Channel to Promote ‘Peace, Love, and Understanding’

September 13, 2016 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Following a $12 billion bid for the notorious news outlet, a group of pacifist Mennonite investors has successfully taken ownership of Fox News and are planning to turn it into a channel that promotes […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Seinfeld’ Re-runs Totally Confuse Local Mennonite Man

July 14, 2016 Andrew

KLEEFELD, MB Neophyte television-watcher Abe R. Dyck of Kleefeld became completely disoriented this past week while binge-watching episodes of hit 90’s TV show ‘Seinfeld’ at his nephew’s home. “He’d never heard of the show before,” […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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