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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Takes Three Hours to Type One Text Message

July 7, 2019 Andrew

BOW ISLAND, AB Breanne Toews, 17, had to wait a full three hours to receive a reply to the simple text message she sent her grandmother this week. Breanne had asked her grandmother whether she […]

Unger Suspicion

Menno Simons to be Featured in New XBox Game

May 24, 2019 Andrew

REDMOND, WA Anabaptist leader Menno Simons will be featured in a new XBox game aimed at getting more Mennonite teenagers to play video games. “This is the first game we’ve ever made that features absolutely no […]

Unger Suspicion

Local Woman Dies While On Hold With Phone Company

May 8, 2019 Andrew

PANSY, MB Local woman Mrs. Goerzen passed away this week after a long and courageous battle to change her data package with her service provider. Goerzen was reportedly on hold with the company since early […]

Unger Conviction

Church Accountability Group Keeps Men From Saying Stupid Stuff on the Internet

April 2, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new measure at the local Mennonite church seeks to address every man’s secret temptation: saying stupid stuff on the Internet. The program, which places men in accountability partnerships, encourages local men to […]

Unger Suspicion

Andrew Scheer Sends Everyone in Canada Some Stupid Cat Meme

March 30, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Eager to capitalize on this hip new technology he just discovered called “texting,” Conservative leader Andrew Scheer sent, like, totally everyone in the country a really stupid cat meme he happened to find […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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