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steinbach

The Daily Bonnet

Ditsied Outpaces Jantsied in Race to Get ‘Jeimpft’

July 10, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mr. Siemens of Winkler has been refreshing the regional vaccine percentage page every few hours or so, trying to see if his Jantsied squad has a chance of catching up with the Ditsieders […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers Excited to Have “Shots at the Legion”

May 13, 2021 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Ever since it was announced that the old Legion Building on Elm would be the spot of a new vaccine supersite, Steinbachers have been eager to book their time to go for shots […]

Unger Suspicion

Anti-Maskers Mistake The Forks for Steinbach

April 25, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of pro-plague protestors gathered at The Forks in Winnipeg this afternoon under the mistaken impression they were actually in Steinbach. “Ahh, it’s great to be here in Steinbach again,” said pro-plague leader […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lineup Outside Newly Reopened Dollar Store Stretches All the Way from Winkler to Steinbach

February 13, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER or STEINBACH, MB As stores offering non-essential items such as helium balloons, cotton swabs, colourful napkins, and hair ties reopen in Manitoba, the lineup outside dollar stores has grown to enormous lengths. So long […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbachers Claim Massive Grey Obelisk has Been there for Decades

December 6, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Eager to get Steinbach back on the front of the paper this week, Winnipeg media outlets passed through town looking for something, anything, they could report on. And, lo and behold, on the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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