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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Creates Crokinole-Curling-Ice Fishing Hybrid

January 28, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Days after the world debut of a crokinole-curling hybrid called ‘Crokicurl’ (yes, this is a real thing), Winkler man Pete Sawatzky decided he could do one better by adding ice fishing to the mix. […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Signs Pastor to Massive 30-Year $1.2 Million Contract

January 18, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Free agent pastor Dave Hiebert has just inked a 30-year contract extension with the West Morden Mennonite Church. The new record-setting contract is reportedly worth close to $1.2 million spread out over the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Man Consoles Himself With Gospel Music as Team Loses

November 27, 2016 Andrew

LINDEN, AB By now it’s a ritual. Whenever the Calgary Stampeders are in a nail-biter, local football fan Peter B. Janzen throws an Elvis Presley gospel album on the record player in order to win favour […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Soccer Mom Undergoes Surgery to Become Hockey Mom

November 12, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Area woman, Jessica V. Brandt, has recently undergone plastic surgery just in time for the winter hockey season. “I have this procedure done once a year,” said Brandt. “As soon as the kids start […]

The Daily Bonnet

World’s Oldest Living Mennonite Fondly Reminisces About the 1908 World Series

November 3, 2016 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL Henry Baerg, who turned 114 in September, has not followed baseball much in the last 90 years or so, but fondly recalls the last time the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. “Oba, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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