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sports

Unger Games

Oilers Blow 6 Goal Lead, Lose 8-7

May 7, 2017 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Up 7-1 after 2 periods the Edmonton Oilers did what everyone was expecting and blew their 6 goal lead to the Anaheim Ducks. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said longtime Oilers fan […]

Unger & Thirst

Knackzoat Found in Last Summer’s Jean Shorts “Still Perfectly Edible” Says Local Man

May 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Ernie Toews, 75, considered himself the “luckiest man in Altona” this past Saturday after he slid into a pair of old cut-off jean shorts that he hadn’t worn since last summer […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Regulations Force Female Crokinole Players to Wear Short Skirts

May 4, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON In an effort to draw viewers away from tennis, the International Crokinole Federation (ICF) has recently announced that it will now be requiring all ladies knipsbrat players to wear skirts “above the knee.” “If professional […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dutch Blitz Tournament Results in Hundreds of Casualties

April 20, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA More than three-hundred serious injuries and five fatalities were reported at this year’s Lancaster Senior’s Dutch Blitz tournament. Event organizers, however, say that the results are “typical.” “This is just as we expected. […]

The Daily Bonnet

60% of Manitobans Claim to be Cousins of Jonathan Toews

April 17, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new poll shows that just over 60% of the Manitoba population claims to be related to NHL star Jonathan Toews. “When you’ve got someone as famous as Jonathan Toews, suddenly everyone and […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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