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Unger Conviction

Americans Left Completely Religionless as Sports Shut Down

March 14, 2020 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Millions of Americans have been left without a religion to call their own as all the professional sports leagues on the continent have shut down due to the pandemic. “Well, I guess I’m […]

Unger Games

XFL to Play in Front of Empty Stadiums Just Like Normal

March 12, 2020 Andrew

SEATTLE, WA It’s business as usual for the only sports league left playing these days, the XFL. As per usual, the league will play in near empty 60,000 seat stadiums for the remainder of the […]

Unger Conviction

Emergency Backup Preacher Fills In for Injured Senior Pastor

February 25, 2020 Andrew

LINDEN, AB After Senior Pastor Bob went down with mono just minutes before the start of the 10:30 service, the congregation at South Linden Mennonite was scrambling for a replacement. With the associate pastor pre-occupied […]

Unger Games

Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team Totally Destroys Slumping Winnipeg Jets

February 17, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB By the time the first period was over, the Hutterite Women’s Hockey Team were already up eight nothing on the slumping Winnipeg Jets. “I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Jets defensemen Neal […]

Unger Games

Modestly Attired Mennonite Women to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show

February 6, 2020 Andrew

TAMPA, FL After millions of Mennonites turned off their television sets (if they had them) and washed their eyes out with soap at this year’s Super Bowl, the NFL has announced that a choir of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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