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The Daily Bonnet

World’s Luckiest Mennonite Woman Scores ‘George’ and ‘Joe Fresh’ Blouses at Local Thrift Store

September 15, 2024 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK Mrs. Carol Ens could not believe her luck this week at the local thrift store after she discovered several “name brand” blouses on the rack. “Would you look at that! George brand! […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Caught Shoplifting Rhubarb

August 30, 2024 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Area woman Maryanne Voth was so desperate to make platz this weekend that she found herself with a temptation she just couldn’t resist: rhubarb. “Usually Anges Froese provides me with all the rhubarb […]

Unger Suspicion

“Man does not live by bread alone”: Loblaws CEO Galen Weston Quotes Jesus to Defend Price-Fixing Scheme

July 25, 2024 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After a court ruling found the company guilty of bread price-fixing, Loblaws CEO Galen Weston cited the words of Jesus in defence of the company’s actions. “Man does not live by bread alone,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Gen Z Adopts Mennonite Tradition of Covering their Ankles

June 2, 2024 Andrew

MARTENSVILLE, SK 23-year-old Gen Z influencer Evelen Sawatzky of Martensville has a message for Millenials out there – “cover your ankles!” “If you want to look old and out-of-fashion, then keep on wearing those ankle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Aritzia Introduces New Line of Long Denim Skirts for Women Wanting to Look Like They’re in Some Weird Religious Sect

April 18, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB There were lines outside Aritzia at Polo Park this week as the store launched its new line of long denim dresses and other products inspired by the plain dress sects of southern Manitoba. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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