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The Daily Bonnet

Fraser Valley Mennonites Put the ‘Before Christ’ in BC

July 24, 2018 Andrew

YARROW, BC A new study out of the University of the Fraser Valley indicates that early Mennonite settlers may have been under the mistaken impression that ‘BC’ stood for ‘Before Christ’ when they decided to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Evolutionist Proves Mennonites are Descended from Abes

July 21, 2018 Andrew

DRUMHELLER, AB Scientists at the Friesen Academy of Science, Platz, and Aniseed (FASPA) have uncovered conclusive evidence that proves the evolution of Mennonites from our ancestors the Abes. “Sometime millions of years ago in the […]

Unger Conviction

Cold Reception in Church Lobby Sparks New Ice Age

July 16, 2018 Andrew

OMAHA, NE The entire state of Nebraska slipped into a new ice age last Sunday after members of Omaha Community Mennonite did their usual thing of talking with their friends and half-heartedly welcoming newcomers. The […]

Unger Games

Mathematicians Confounded as Hockey Player Successfully Gives 110%

March 12, 2018 Andrew

DAUPHIN, MB Mathematicians across the globe were shocked to discover a junior hockey player in Dauphin, Manitoba giving a full 110% during a game against Virden on Friday night. “I can’t believe it. Prior to […]

Unger & Thirst

Buns Discovered in Mennonite Grandma’s Freezer Carbon Date to 5 Million Years Old

February 3, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB A bag full of frozen raisin buns discovered at the back of Grandma Wiebe’s freezer this past week were taken to a University of Alberta laboratory to undergo rigorous scientific testing including carbon […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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