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science

Unger Conviction

Church Cell Group Consists Mostly of Endoplasmic Reticulum

January 8, 2019 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A new scientific analysis from the University of Southern Alberta has demonstrated that the vast majority of church cell groups consist of nothing more than endoplasmic reticulum. “We were hoping to find some […]

Unger & Thirst

Zwieback Added to Periodic Table of Elements

November 4, 2018 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry has decided they’ve given up on mercury and decided to replace element 80 with the dry Mennonite bread known has zwieback. “It’s one of the […]

Unger Suspicion

Ken Ham and Kent Hovind to Guest Star in Series Finale of ‘The Big Bang Theory’

September 2, 2018 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA Stars of the literal 6-day creationist world will square off against a bunch of fictional physicists in the series finale of hit sitcom ‘The Big Bang Theory’ later this year. “We’re so excited […]

The Daily Bonnet

‘Bigfoot’ Revealed to be a ‘Mr. Friesen’ from Altona

July 30, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The mystery of Bigfoot has finally been solved! After careful analysis of the footage, scientists at Pembina Valley University, have concluded that the big hairy beast seen traipsing through the back-40 last year […]

Unger Conviction

Blood Moon ‘A Sign From God’ that the Reign of the Fundamentalist Mennonite Elders Has Come to an End

July 27, 2018 Andrew

BERGTHAL, MB Conservative Mennonites across North America are interpreting tonight’s blood moon as a ‘clear sign from God’ that they no longer have to follow the ‘bullshit rules’ of the elders and can now live […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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