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science

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man to Circle the Earth For Next Two Months, Causing Mini-moon

October 1, 2024 Andrew

EARTH A Mennonite man will be circling the Earth for the next two months, causing what scientists are calling a “mini-moon.” “It’s not as large as the moon we usually see,” said Neil DeGrasse Tyson, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Theology Prof Accidentally Lectures Physics Class

August 31, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Pleased to see a full lecture hall full of students ready for his talk on the consubstantial nature of the trinity, Dr. Warkentin was a full 40 minutes into the class before Physics […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Disproves Evolution by Carbon Dating “Welcome to Morden Sign”

August 7, 2023 Andrew

MORDEN, MB It’s another day and another fossil for the residents of Morden, Manitoba, which has area farmer Corny Harder “really upset once” and extra-determined to disprove the “evolution from Abes.” “Right away I drove […]

Unger & Thirst

Experts Now Say Schmaunt Fat Leaked from Lab in Winkler

March 6, 2023 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Experts are now saying the explosion of delicious schmaunt fat over the last few years did not arrive naturally but likely originated from a top secret laboratory in Mrs. Froese’s summer kitchen. “Oba, […]

Unger Suspicion

Church Elders Launch Powerful ‘James Wiebe Telescope’ to Keep An Eye on Misbehaving Mennonites

July 28, 2022 Andrew

SPACE The recently launched James Wiebe Telescope has stunned the world with images of Mennonites even more remarkable than those found in the work of renowned photographer Larry Towell. “We’re finally able to see the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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