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The Daily Bonnet

Surge in Peanut Allergies Has Mennonite Church Handing Out Empty Paper Bags this Christmas

December 24, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After just way too many incidents in recent years, Central Kildonan Mennonite Fellowship has decided the only solution is to hand out empty paper bags to all the kids this Christmas. “We wanted […]

Unger Suspicion

Child Confuses Amazon Driver for Santa Claus

December 22, 2022 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK Little Timmy Plett of Rosthern has been losing sleep in anticipation of the upcoming gift-giving season. In fact, when the Amazon truck pulled up the Plett yard last night, Timmy ran out in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Top 10 Stocking Stuffer Ideas for Mennonites

December 16, 2022 Andrew

Let’s face it. Gone are the days when a paper bag filled with peanuts is sufficient to satisfy the demands of a Mennonite child. These days all the city Mennos prefer socks filled with various […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wraps the Presents this Year

December 23, 2020 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Overwhelmed with all the gifts that needed wrapping this yer, Mrs. Janzen decided to recruit her husband Earl to pitch in. The decision, however, is one of the greatest regrets of her life. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Totally Hooked on Bubble Wrap

July 27, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Ens was super excited for all the crap her husband Dan’s been ordering online these days since it means she can spend her evenings sitting with her feet up on the patio […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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