Local Church to Host Weekly ‘Superspreader Potluck’


The Schratjlijch Gospel Church is spreading more than just the good news this week after Pastor Dave announced the congregation would be hosting a weekly ‘Superspreader Potluck’ starting this Sunday at 12:30 right after the foot washing service.

“Once you’ve dried off your nylons, we’d like to invite everyone to stick around and indiscriminately share whatever viruses you might have with the people around you,” said Pastor Dave. “It’s like my Oma always said, ‘spread the wealth!'”

Local woman Mrs. Martens is particularly excited to attend her first ever Superspreader Potluck and has already signed up to bring enough buns for everyone, which she plans to grab with her bare hands and place into each person’s plate.

“I’m also on the Deli Meat Committee,” said Mrs. Martens. “I will guarantee you that I personally will touch each piece of processed ham and jab a slightly used toothpick into every rolled up slice myself.”

The church is inviting the public to attend so long as they sign-up to bring a 2L Pepsi and agree to hold hands with sketchy unwashed strangers while they sing the Doxology.

(photo credit: Phil Denton/CC)

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