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plautdietsch

Unger Conviction

‘Miraculous Tongues’ Turn Out to Be Low German

November 30, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB An enthusiastic new convert from Winnipeg was amazed by the “miraculous tongues” he heard at a church service in Steinbach this past weekend. “I had never heard or seen anything like it,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler, Manitoba to Officially be Renamed ‘Vankler’

November 19, 2016 Andrew

VANKLER, MB Winkler, Manitoba, the crown jewel in Manitoba’s Mennonite crown, has many things going right for it. But one thing that’s going wrong is the egregious mispronunciation of the city’s name by innocent outsiders […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plautdietsch Classified as an ‘Endangered Species’ in Steinbach

November 9, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB As Steinbach has grown, it has become more diverse, and some might even say, “metropolitan.” Long gone are the days when elderly Mennonite men would greet young women at the Clearspring Mall with, “Hia es […]

The Daily Bonnet

All the Jokes in Plautdietsch Bible are Lost in Translation

July 17, 2016 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, CHIHUAHUA, MEXICO With the complete Old and New Testament now successfully translated into the Plautdietsch language, outsiders are having difficulty catching all the jokes. “My oma and opa will read something from the Book of […]

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Sect Bans ‘Papsi’ and ‘Ravel’ Bars

June 10, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENFELD, MB The leadership of a particularly pious group of Mennonites in southern Manitoba have recently announced a complete ban on the drinking of Pepsi and consumption of chocolate Revello ice cream bars. After eliminating every […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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