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patriotism

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Release New Version of American National Anthem, ‘The Flower-Spangled Bonnet’

July 4, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN In order to celebrate the 4th of July, the American Mennonite community has commissioned famed Mennonite songwriter Francis Scott Hostetler to write a new national anthem. “This is one even us Mennonites will […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Church Boycotts ‘Sexy Centennial’ Celebrations

July 1, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB As Canadians gather today to celebrate 150 years of nationhood, members of a small town Mennonite church will not be participating in the festivities. “I don’t know what the heck this ‘sexy-centennial’ […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites! Come Join the Glorious Nation of North Korea!

April 11, 2017 Andrew

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA The Daily Bonnet is now under the control of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and we require that all Mennonites turn from their ways and commit themselves to Kim Jong-un. Based on our […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Gather to Celebrate 149 Years of Not Being America

July 1, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Patriotic Canadians across the country will gather today to celebrate a really long time of not being the United States of America. “Canadians are a completely distinct culture. We have, like, slightly different […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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