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pacifism

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite to Join ‘Golden Dome’ Program

May 21, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC The White House’s new $175 billion ‘golden dome’ defence program seems bound for completion this week after the administration got the Mennonites on board. “Nah, junges, normally we only have the golden domes […]

The Daily Bonnet

Who would win? 100 Mennonites or a Gorilla?

May 4, 2025 Andrew

It’s the debate that has taken the Internet by storm – who would win in a fight: 100 Mennonites or a gorilla? We took to the streets of Kleefeld to see what the people thought […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Really Looking Forward to Violating One of the Core Tenets of their Faith By Voting in Upcoming Election

March 23, 2025 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Thousands of Canadian Mennonites are really looking forward to ridding themselves of one of the foundational doctrines of their faith by voting in the upcoming federal election. “I guess it’s that time again,” […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Hope to Dodge Draft in Upcoming Trade War

February 1, 2025 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS With a trade war on the horizon, Mennonites across North America are looking for ways to keep out of the whole mess and preserve their pacifist values. “I’m thinking of going to the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Wins Nobel Peace Prize for Remembering to Lift the Toilet Seat

March 29, 2024 Andrew

REINFELD, MB Devoted husband and father of four, Bert Harder, 51, just received word this week that he has won the Nobel Peace Prize for being the first Mennonite man to lift the toilet seat. […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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