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new years

The Daily Bonnet

Days After Wild Silvesterabend Party, Man Wakes Up as a Married, Father of Four, Living in the Chaco

January 3, 2017 Andrew

FILADELFIA, PARAGUAY As the evening began on December 31, 30-year-old Alberta Mennonite Peter Toews was a youngish trend-setter on the move. After one night of wild Silveresterabendfestivities in La Crete, however, Peter awoke this morning and […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Pastor Offers Mennonite Hangover Cures

January 1, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In his morning sermon, a local pastor at Steinbach’s EMBM church is providing his congregants with sage advice to overcome holiday hangovers. “I’m a practical man,” said Pastor Tim. “I’m giving the people […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbach Water Tower to be Filled With Champagne for New Year’s Eve

December 31, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Once the most prominent structure on the Steinbach skyline, in recent years the water tower has been surpassed in prominence by the SCU building, the curling rink, and numerous ever-expanding churches. In an effort to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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