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new years

Unger & Thirst

Mennonites Really Excited for Tonight’s Golden Globe Awards

January 7, 2018 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC While Hollywood gathers to dress up nice and congratulate itself, Russian Mennonites across North America are going to be celebrating their own Golden Globe Awards tonight. The Mennonite Golden Globes, held annually in […]

Unger & Thirst

After Last Night Hanover Municipality Renamed ‘Hangover’

January 1, 2018 Andrew

HANGOVER, MB After a night in which dozens of Mennonite in the Hanover area drank copious amounts of Papsi and water, area residents have voted to rename the area ‘Hangover.’ “Ugh, after three Papsis and […]

Unger Conviction

Church New Year’s Eve Party Over By 8 PM

December 31, 2017 Andrew

OMAHA, NB Revellers at the Omaha Mennonite Church plan to ring in the New Year in the church basement tonight with hymn singing, board games, and Grandma Jansen’s onion dip. The festivities are scheduled to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Resolves Not to Gossip in 2017

January 15, 2017 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Did you hear about Mrs. Maria Kroeker? I really shouldn’t be telling you this, but, oh, it looks like you really want to know by the way you’re leaning in and cupping […]

The Daily Bonnet

Meet Jessica, Winkler Area’s First Newborn Calf of 2017

January 5, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A Winkler family welcomed the local area’s first calf of 2017, born just after midnight last night. Little Jessica the cow was born at 12:08 am at the local Animal Hospital. She is the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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