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The Daily Bonnet

Newton’s “World’s Tallest Mennonite” Drafted by Golden State Warriors

March 4, 2021 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Hailing from Newton, Kansas, the 17-foot limestone Mennonite Settler statue known across the globe as the “World’s Tallest Mennonite” has finally reached his true calling: playing center for the Golden State Warriors. “After […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Sect Heads to Toronto to Await the Rapture

February 25, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Under the leadership of controversial minister and self-proclaimed prophet Claas Epp, a fringe Mennonite sect from Southern Ontario has walked all the way from Leamington to Toronto to await the rapture. “My cousin […]

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  • City to Replace Surveillance Cameras with Mennonite Ladies
    March 18, 2017
  • Singer Ed Sheeran Engaged to Every Woman Who Ever Yelled “Marry Me, Ed” at One of His Concerts
    January 22, 2018
  • A Gallery of Hilarious Mennonite Gravestones
    January 1, 2018
  • Meet Lisa, the One Person in All of Manitoba Who Doesn’t Have Covid Right Now
    April 30, 2022

SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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