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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Mom Doesn’t Realize Her Son’s a Hipster

May 23, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Despite her son showing obvious signs for more than three years now, local mom Dorothy Lepp, 47, still has absolutely no clue her son Aaron is a committed hipster. “When I asked if […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Claps Along to Worship Song

May 14, 2017 Andrew

“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.” – W.B. Yeats WINKLER, MB The Winkler EBBM Church was sent into a tizzy this past Sunday after local woman Sarah Martens […]

Unger Suspicion

Drake to Read Local Funeral Announcements

May 11, 2017 Andrew

DALMENY, SK A local radio station has hired Canadian rap sensation Drake to read the funeral announcements while the regular host is on vacation. “We’re really excited to get Drake in here to spice things […]

Unger Conviction

Grandma Loewen’s Vibrato Triggers Massive Earthquake

May 8, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC A massive 7.2 earthquake struck the Fraser Valley this past Sunday. Local seismologists have traced the source of the quake to Mrs. Martha Loewen’s uncontrollable vibrato singing at the local Mennonite church. “We […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Country Artist Scores Big Hit With ‘Save A Horse (Ride a Mennonite)’

May 3, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local country artist Big Garth Doerksen has landed at the top of Billboard’s country charts this week with his new bro-country anthem ‘Save a Horse (Ride a Mennonite).’ It’s the first time a […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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