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music

Unger Suspicion

Minor Hockey Team Loses Miserably After Forgetting to Play ‘We Will Rock You’

February 23, 2019 Andrew

KENORA, ON A minor hockey team in Kenora is in tears tonight after the sound guy at the arena forgot to play “We Will Rock You” as the team entered the ice. The team subsequently […]

Unger Suspicion

New Biopic Reveals Freddie Mercury’s ‘Secret Wild Mennonite Life’

February 16, 2019 Andrew

LONDON, UK A popular new biopic, Blumenort Rhapsody, reveals a side of Freddie Mercury’s life that has remained untold until now. From 1978-1982, the Queen singer secretly lived among the Mennonites of southern Manitoba. “At the […]

Unger Games

Mennonite Choir to Perform at Next Year’s Super Bowl

February 4, 2019 Andrew

MIAMI, FL After a dreadful half-time performance by crap-band Maroon 5 at Super Bowl LIII, the National Football League has announced that “from now on, the only entertainment you’re gonna get is a few old […]

Unger Conviction

New Pill Cures Hymnal Dysfunction

January 2, 2019 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN As Mennonite men age, many of them experience a decreased ability to hold a hymnal upright during the service. Doctors in Mountain Lake say Hymnal Dysfunction affects one in three men over […]

Unger Suspicion

CBC Bans Popular Plautdietsch Christmas Song ‘Frü, Daut es Kold Büte!’

December 12, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Executives at the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation have decided to ban the popular Plautdietsch holiday tune ‘Frü, Daut es Kold Büte’, after thousands of Canadians complained they didn’t know what the heck the words […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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