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Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Host First Annual ‘Quiet in the Land’ Death Metal Festival

January 15, 2020 Andrew

ELKHART, IN In an effort to attract young people to church, the South Elkhart Mennonite Church is planning a death metal concert to be held in the church parking lot this summer. “In keeping with […]

The Daily Bonnet

Local Man Still Has ‘Menno’s Reins’ Theme Song Stuck in His Head

January 14, 2020 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB After numerous screenings of the classic ‘Menno’s Reins’ in youth group back in the 70s, local man Peter Toews still has the theme song stuck in his head more than forty years […]

Unger Suspicion

Off-Key Mennonite Singers Top ‘Best Albums of the Decade’ List

January 1, 2020 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Despite the fact that the last ten years were undoubtedly the worst such span in popular music history, music critics have been forced by their editors to come up with ‘Best Albums […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman to Play Evie’s ‘Come On, Ring Those Bells’ All Day Today

December 23, 2019 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Bergmann of Blumenort plans to play Evie’s ‘Come On, Ring Those Bells’ non-stop for the next 48 to 76 hours. “I’ve still got the LP I bought when I was in high […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Sings the Wrong Version of ‘Away in a Manger’

December 22, 2019 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A fight broke out during an Epp gathering in the church basement this week after Grandma Epp insisted on singing the wrong version of ‘Away in a Manger.’ “Diewel, that woman. She just […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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