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music

Unger Suspicion

Taco Bell Purchases John Coltrane Catalogue for $200 Million

July 13, 2022 Andrew

IRVINE, CA In an effort to attract a more sophisticated audience, fast food giant Taco Bell is in talks to purchase the music catalogues of jazz legends Bill Evans, Charles Mingus, and John Coltrane. “A […]

Unger Suspicion

‘Huge Adele Fan’ Discovers She’s Actually Been Listening to Lauren Daigle for the Past Five Years

May 16, 2022 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Area woman Erin Augsburger has been listening to what she thought was Adele for more than 4 years now and only recently discovered it was actually someone named Lauren Daigle. “I’ve been low-key […]

Unger Suspicion

Band on “Cross-Country” Tour of Canada Really Only Just Playing in Toronto and Montreal

May 7, 2022 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Legendary American hard rock band The Guess Why? are embarking on a “cross country” tour which includes stops in more than one Canadian city. “We’re going from coast to coast,” said Guess Why? […]

Unger Conviction

Disney Releases New Song: ‘We Don’t Talk About Menno’

April 12, 2022 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Disney has just released a brand new children’s song called ‘We Don’t Talk About Menno’ intended to appeal to Mennonite churches who’ve abandoned their traditional Anabaptist theology. “We know there’s a huge market […]

Unger Suspicion

Snoop Dog and Dr. Dre to Perform at Faspa This Sunday

February 17, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After their stellar performance at the Super Bowl this weekend, Dr. Dre and his all-star lineup of 90s rappers have been invited to perform at the West Fresno Mennonite Ladies Faspa and Quilt […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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