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movies

The Daily Bonnet

New Star Wars Film to Feature Strange Mysterious Creatures from a Galaxy Far Far Away Called Steinbach

February 17, 2023 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In a press conference near MJ’s Kafe this week, famed Star Wars producer George Lucas announced that the new installment in the Star Wars saga will feature the “strangest creatures ever known: Steinbachers.” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Sits Through 3.5 Hours of Avatar But Can’t Handle 20 Minute Sermon

January 28, 2023 Andrew

FRESNO, CA On Saturday night, the Toewses of Fresno sat in a dark theatre for 3.5 hours with no intermission or pee break, but could not handle Pastor Dave’s quick 20 minute sermon the next […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Every Mannanite Film Ever Nominated for Bast Picture

January 24, 2023 Andrew

BY: JAKOB PLATT, FALM AXPERT Oba, so the only movies I aver saw were at the Game and Fish Days there in Schteinback or maybe at the John Deere dealer. This makes me the most […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Critics Excited to Watch ‘Women Talking’ and Find All the “Errors”

January 7, 2023 Andrew

SCHAZENBACHDORF, MB Utterly obsessed with their own depiction in film and literature, a group of particularly persnickety Mennonite critics are flocking to the Schanzenbachdorf Theatre this week to look for the slightest of “errors” in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Baz Luhrmann Directs New Corny Rempel Biopic

September 12, 2022 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Renowned Hollywood director Baz Luhrmann has just released a brand new $300 million biopic of southern Manitoba’s greatest Elvis tribute artist and radio personality Corny Rempel. “It tells his story from his modest […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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