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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Claims Annual Quilt Auction is ‘Rigged’

October 19, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After failing to get the winning bid at the last five church quilt auctions, Mrs. Donna Toews, 71, of Altona is now claiming that the whole system is rigged. “I’ve got evidence – I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bible Study Turns Into Multi-Level Marketing Pitch

October 19, 2016 Andrew

GROSSWEIDE, MB After a quick reading of Psalms 23 and a ten second opportunity for “prayer requests,” Bible study leader Phillip Broesky managed to transform the meeting into a multi-level marketing pitch. “I was kind […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonalds Adds ‘Mennonite Tomato Soup’ Made From Ketchup Packets to Menu

September 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Inspired by patrons in Winkler, Steinbach and other predominantly Mennonite communities that McDonalds serves, the international fast food chain is testing out a new menu item: tomato soup made from ketchup packets and water […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dozens Injured as Mennonites Stampede to Pick Up Dime from Sidewalk in Downtown Steinbach

September 14, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB There was a stampede down Main Street Steinbach yesterday after a stray dime was dropped from Mr. Peters’ pocket. Dozens were hospitalized with a variety of injuries when thousands of locals clamoured to get […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Finds Money Mysteriously Left Behind on Restaurant Table

August 17, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Peter K. Barkman, 57, of the Winkler area hit the jackpot this past Tuesday as he found five quarters and a loonie inexplicably left behind on the table by previous restaurant patrons. “It’s my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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