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Unger Conviction

8% Tithe Now Acceptable Due to Economic Downturn

February 6, 2018 Andrew

MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN After a slumping economy and soaring unemployment rate, the Society for the Proliferation of Mennonite Churches has determined that “an 8% tithe will be acceptable for the foreseeable future.” The change was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rare Plautdietsch Dictionary Nets $2.3 Million at Sotheby’s Auction

January 29, 2018 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY Bidding was frenzied at a recent antiquarian book auction in New York City this week. Of particular interest to collectors was a rare out-of-print copy of Dr. Jack Thiessen’s ‘Mennonite Low German […]

Unger Conviction

Churches Demand All National Parks Be Turned Into Bible Camps

January 20, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Churches across Canada have been up in arms and are demanding that the federal government fund “all proselytizing efforts” with tax-payer’s money. An online petition sponsored by Life Site News has demanded that […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Raises Starting Wage to 15 Timbits an Hour

January 13, 2018 Andrew

OAKVILLE, ON In response to widespread criticism of recent cuts to employee benefits in some of its stores, iconic Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons has graciously decided to raise its starting wage from 12 Timbits […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Go Crazy for New Cryptocurrency the ‘Plettcoin’

December 27, 2017 Andrew

LANDMARK, MB A new Mennonite cryptocurrency known as the plettcoin soared to record highs this past week before quickly plummeting to embarrassing lows. The plettcoin, once valued at close to $20,000, is now so useless […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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