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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Keeps Reusing the Same Poppy He Bought 30 Years Ago

November 7, 2021 Andrew

BLACK CREEK, BC Thanks to an ingenious pinning technique by his wife Susie, Mr. Harms of Black Creek has managed to re-wear the same poppy he purchased back in the late 1980s. “Ahh, it’s November […]

Unger & Thirst

Popular Mennonite Cookbook Updated for Millennials: ‘The Less-with-More Cookbook’

January 26, 2021 Andrew

AKRON, PA The popular ‘More-with-Less’ Cookbook has been given an update for 21st century young people. Now revised as the ‘Less-with-More’ cookbook, publishers are hoping it will attract the important millennial demographic. “We’ve done our […]

The Daily Bonnet

Whole Foods Bans MCC Peace Buttons

November 8, 2020 Andrew

TORONTO, ON In order to be consistent with their recent poppy ban, Whole Foods Canada has also banned anyone from coming into the store wearing one of those MCC Peace Buttons. “Please wear a mask, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Flock to Reopened MCC Store to Buy Bigger Pants

June 12, 2020 Andrew

ALTONA, MB More than a thousand eager, and slightly larger, Mennonites were lined up outside the Altona self-help this Friday when they heard the store just got in a fresh supply of pants. “Jauma lied, […]

Unger & Thirst

Area Man Receives a Bag of Ten Thousand Villages Coffee from Every Single Guest at His Birthday Party

January 22, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Literally every single guest at Mr. Reimer’s 53rd birthday party this week gave him a bag of Ten Thousand Villages fair trade coffee. “That man is impossible to shop for. I wracked my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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