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Unger Conviction

Poppy and Peace Button Wage War for Space on Mennonite Man’s Lapel

November 11, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON For more than fifty years the vacant space on Mr. Funk’s lapel has been quiet and peaceful. Sadly, however, a war for territorial supremacy has recently broken out between a poppy and an […]

Unger Conviction

Goldmine of Discarded Gospel Records Discovered at Local Thrift Store

July 28, 2019 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dozens of discarded vintage gospel records were discovered at a local Self-Help this week. The titles ranged from “Music of the Mennonite Church” by the Men’s Chorus at First Mennonite Church in Berne, […]

Unger Suspicion

Marie Kondo Inspires Huge Surge of Donations to Local Thrift Store

April 26, 2019 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The popularity of tidying guru Marie Kondo has meant a huge surge in donations to thrift stores across Mennonite country. “Do these margarine containers spark joy?” wondered Mrs. Friesen. “Meh, not really. To […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Desperately Search for Cheap Used Netflix Subscriptions at MCC Store

December 3, 2018 Andrew

HERBERT, SK Mennonites across Canada have been scouring the shelves at their local MCC thrift stores in search of used Netflix subscriptions after the streaming service jacked up the prices this week. “I heard Mrs. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Quilt Cartel Jacks Up Prices at Mennonite Relief Sale

May 27, 2018 Andrew

NEW HAMBURG, ON According to sources, a group of Mennonite ladies from southern Ontario have banded together to control the supply of quilts into the region. The cartel, known as the Ontario Producers of Elaborate […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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