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legalism

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Lifts Television Ban Just in Time For that New Menno Sitcom

January 3, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The MBEMMMCGC Church of Winkler has allowed a “temporary dispensation” to allow parishioners to buy a used TV from the thrift store, prop it up on a bale in the yard, and watch […]

Unger Conviction

Two Groups That Absolutely Hate Each Other and Disagree on Nearly Everything Both Say They’re “Christians”

September 16, 2022 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX A number of supposedly Christian groups have gathered in Seminole this week to discuss what they have in common, which, as it turns out, is absolutely nothing. “It’s almost as if we’re all […]

Unger & Thirst

Biblical Literalist Accidentally Eats Shellfish

August 5, 2022 Andrew

SEMINOLE, TX Area man James Dyck, who normally prides himself in his undying commitment to his own inerrant interpretation of Scripture, found himself in quite the pickle this afternoon at the local Red Lobster. “It […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Releases Brand New List of Sins for 2022

March 8, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mennonites have been marking this day on their calendar for months – the day when their local church releases the new list of sins for the year. “The kids, especially, are really excited. […]

Unger Conviction

New “Freedom Convoy” to Liberate Mennonites from their Own Church Leaders

January 29, 2022 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Thousands of Mennonites gathered in southern Ontario this weekend to finally face the biggest threat to their personal freedoms: their own church leadership. “For years they’ve told us, ‘Hey, look over there, the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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