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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Family Looking Forward to Delightful Illegal Gathering this Easter

April 1, 2021 Andrew

SCHRATJLIJCH, MB Plans are already in the works for a delightfully illegal Easter this year. The Hiebert family of Schratjlijch, Manitoba, for example, have been dutifully shopping, cooking, and otherwise preparing for their first illegal […]

Unger Suspicion

Court Rules 69-Year-Old Dutch Man is Actually a ‘Whiny Little Toddler’

December 4, 2018 Andrew

ARNHEM, NETHERLANDS A Dutch court has ruled today that local senior Milan Ratelbrand, 69, is actually legally “one-and-half years old, or two at best.” Ratelbrand had sued the government to have his age lowered by […]

Unger & Thirst

Canadian Mennonites Lineup to Get Their Hands on Legal Platz

October 17, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB Ten of thousands of Mennonites across Canada have been lining up outside platz shops today to get their hands on legal platz for the first time in nearly 100 years. “It’s a […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Man Has Suspenders Confiscated at Quebec Border

October 15, 2018 Andrew

GATINEAU, QC Johan Brubacher hitched up the wagon this week, eager to take his family to Montreal, a city renowned for Mennonite specialties like poutine and craft beer. However, as soon as the buggy crossed […]

The Daily Bonnet

Plastic Straw Ban Leaves Pacifist Mennonites Completely Defenceless

June 21, 2018 Andrew

BERNE, IN In recent weeks, cities across the country have banned plastic straws because of their environmental impact. While many are supportive of the idea, there has been some resistance, particularly from the nation’s 500,000 […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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