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The Daily Bonnet

Winnipeg Welcomes New Law Firm ‘Friesen Froese Harder’

February 6, 2025 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mennonites across Manitoba are excited about the new law firm Friesen Froese Harder that just opened up this week on Henderson Highway. “It was minus 35 on the day of our grand opening,” […]

Unger Conviction

Louisiana Requires All Schools to Display Pictures of Charlton Heston

June 27, 2024 Andrew

BATON ROUGE, LA Starting this fall all Louisiana schools will be required to display life-size portraits of Charlton Heston. Teachers will be asked to photocopy 8.5 x 11 images from the 1956 classic film The […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Rules Thumbs Up Emoji Counts as Legally Binding Marriage Proposal

July 7, 2023 Andrew

ROSTHERN, SK The North Rosthern MB Church is inviting everyone to the wedding of Christopher Peters and Alison Funk this Sunday after Christopher inadvertently gave a “thumbs up” to one of Alison’s posts. “As far […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

Unger Suspicion

US Supreme Court to be Expanded from 9 Members to 535 and Renamed ‘Congress’

May 8, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After nearly 250 of years of pretending there were three distinct branches of US government, the United States Supreme Court will be expanded by 526 members and will be renamed Congress. “Who are […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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